Thursday, May 29, 2008

A Modest Proposal

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of gender struggles.

Men of the world, it is time to cast off your chains of oppression and fight the tyranny which imposes its will upon you, denying your right to choose what to do with your own body. For far too long, the unenlightened forces opposed to choice have dictated what ought to be a personal, private decision. No man should be marginalized or treated as a second-class citizen for what he chooses to do with his own body.

Men, it is time to stand up for your innate right to rape! March! Chant! Take to the streets! Demand your rights!

Men, unite to overturn this unconstitutional law which infringes on our right to privacy. The government must not legislate morality. The state must not impose its religious views on others. Who are they to say what is right or wrong for me?

In the first third of a woman’s life, roughly up until her thirtieth birthday, a woman is not fully developed, either physically or mentally. During that time before she reaches full personhood, the state has no interest at all in regulating rape. She should be freely available to any rapist who chooses her. Once a woman reaches the age of thirty, her husband may decide to allow any rapist he wishes to have access to her. Without the husband’s permission, a rapist must show evidence of an urgent need for sexual release before raping a woman of this age. Of course, unmarried women have not reached full personhood and may be raped at any age. Beyond the age of sixty, in order to avoid emotional damage to the rapist, a woman may only be raped after placing a paper bag over her head.

If you don’t believe in rape, don’t do it!

Some will say that I am pro-rape, but that is not the case at all. I am pro-choice. I want rape to be safe, legal, and rare. Even though rape is currently illegal, it still occurs, but it is forced into the back alleys and shadows of society, where rapes are performed in unsanitary conditions which endanger the safety of the rapist. Once rape is legal and brought out into the open, we can take steps to assure that rapists are not injured by coat hanger rapes.

If you can’t trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a penis?

In addition, we will have the opportunity to encourage men to seek alternatives to rape. For instance, they may decide to alternate between rape and some other outlet such as wife beating, masturbation, or sex with a hired partner.

The benefits of safe, legal rape do not end with the man. Women reap the rewards as well. It is well known that men know what is better for a woman than she knows herself. Without rape, a woman may live her life as a noncontributing drain on society, dependent on the productivity of men, without a quality lifestyle. A rapist is truly doing a woman a favor, in spite of the fact that she is not man enough to recognize it.

Oftentimes women will present irrational arguments against safe, legal rape. They are simply enemies of choice. If you are not a man and have never had the experience of being a rapist, then you simply can not relate to what these men are going through. The decision to rape is a deeply personal matter which often comes at a very difficult and emotional time in a man's life, and if you have never been in his shoes, you have no basis to judge his decision. Although we welcome women to support our cause, any woman who opposes legalized rape is not entitled to an opinion.

Men! You have a right to autonomy and self-determination! Demand your rights!

Be a voice for choice! Keep the US out of my black windowless van!

Men of all countries, unite!

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