Thursday, January 29, 2009

Cutting poor babies stimulates economy

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told ABC News’ George Stephanapolous Sunday that the Democrat’s economic stimulus bill, containing hundreds of millions of dollars for “family planning” services for the poor, will make real cuts in the number of low-income people, thereby saving taxpayer dollars, and increasing average income for everyone.

“Poor people are a luxury we just can’t afford,’ said Rep. Pelosi, “They cost us a lot of money to maintain; what with food stamps, housing and health care. So if we can rapidly reduce the number of poor people through contraception and abortion, that’s a net gain for federal and state budgets, and a fast track to economic recovery. Every poor baby prevented is like money in the bank.”

A spokesman for Planned Parenthood, the world’s leading abortion sales chain, confirmed Mrs. Pelosi’s assertion, noting that “even if the stimulus bill helps harvest only the low-hanging fruit by reducing live births among blacks and hispanics, that would be a major boost, since minorities comprise nearly 50 percent of those on Medicaid.”

Planned Parenthood continues to lobby Congressional Democrats and the Obama administration to include even more funding in the stimulus bill for better marketing efforts to attract minority women who have not yet considered abortion as “a viable lifestyle choice.”

“Despite our best efforts to date,” the source said, “only 1-in-5 pregnancies ends in abortion. We need the marketing money to spur growth in what we call our frequent-flier segment. Blacks make up only about 13 percent of the population, yet they have 40 percent of the abortions. We still think there’s real upside potential there.”

The spokesman added that, “Planned Parenthood, since its inception, has been the Sam’s Club of abortions for minority communities. We keep the product cheap so our customers can buy in large quantities. What we lose in profit per procedure we more than make up for in volume. Of course, our work also helps reduce racial tensions by adhering to time-tested Darwinian principles.”


Ed Darrell said...

It would be nice if you would label your satire as satire so we don't think you've lost all your marbles.

Don Dodson said...

Sorry Ed, I tend to rely on the intelligence of my audience. I forget that liberals occasionally wander in.

Ed Darrell said...

And I misunderstood your profile. I would have sworn you said you were Christian.