Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A plan for our future

I was talking to my friend Jim Pannell yesterday, and he had a brilliant idea.

We should split the country in half and give half to the whiny bleeding heart commie pinkos who voted for BO, and give the other half to the real Americans who didn't. We've tried dividing the country north and south, and that didn't work too well, so I think that east and west would work better. We'll give the left half of the country to the lefties. That works out well, because most of them have already gone to California anyway, and they are welcome to it. There are quite a few in New England who will have to move west, but they can deal with it. New Jersey will be deserted, because conservatives sure don't want it.

The left coast can be ruled by BO and all of his czars. He's got a czar for everything, so there should be plenty of czars to go around. We will elect a President and restore the long-lost relic of Constitutional government. Both countries can govern themselves as they see fit. The left coast, which will most likely decide to call themselves "The People's Republic of BO" will soon be owned entirely by the government, and their citizens won't know how badly the government is botching everything because the kids graduating from government schools won't know how to add. They will have no military and no prisons because the government budget will go entirely to socialized medicine, funding abortion, government housing projects, poetry readings, condom distribution in preschool, replacing cars with mule carts, gay pride parades, carbon credits, and racial sensitivity training. Because all of the productive and educated citizens are on the east coast, within a year they will have reverted to a medieval existence.

Meanwhile, the east coast will be called "America" and will revive a lost form of government called a "Democratic Republic" based on a forgotten document, "The Constitution." We will have a low tax rate and a non-intrusive government whose primary purpose is to protect the fundamental rights of its citizens. When criminals notice that America has prisons and an effective legal system, they will all move west. America's citizens, unbridled and free from excessive taxation, over-regulation, and absurd union demands, will flourish with innovation and productivity, as the engine of capitalism creates an abundance of wealth that anyone with ambition and determination can share in. America will have a strong military and will trade freely with any nation that respects human freedom.

After three or four years, America will invade PRBO and take it back. They won' t have a military, electricity, internal combustion engines, the will to fight, or any freedom to defend, so it will require about a dozen guys with BB guns. We will be greeted as liberators.


The Donald said...

Me an' Huck got our Wham-O Wrist Rockets - where do we sign up?

- Tom Sawyer

David H said...

Not bad, but my brother's in Idaho, and actually Idaho is a strong red state with great hunting and fishing, plus if we get the East coast, we're stuck with Massachusetts; Ted Kennedy country... I say the left can all cram into California, there's enough room for them there.

The Donald said...

BTW, say 'Hi' to Jim for me. I think of him sometimes when I drive by his in-laws' house.

Don Dodson said...

David, there's nothing inherently wrong with MA. It's actually a beautiful place. We just need to get the liberals out of there. Once we ship them off to California, Kennedy Klan included, and roll the tax rate way back it will be a fine place.